Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Right now, I'm in Corolla, North Carolina. And let me tell you, it kind of sucks. It's really uncomfortable spending most of my time back in the closet. But that is the nature of the summer, I've been here since school was out in May. And let me tell you, the smell of mothballs gets really tiring. But this week is the blackest part of the night before the dawn. I'm with my entire family in a beach house, and the only person who knows me at all is my 14 year old sister. It's getting really tiring.

Otherwise, it's less than a week until I leave for PennState Altoona. I'm really excited. I chose the campus mostly because it has a GSA, and I fought for a long time to get one in my high school. Don't get me wrong, it's a decent school, but I am really excited about the GSA. I mean, Jess got me an awesome rainbow flag for my bedroom wall in my apartment.

And I won't lie, when I opened that, I started crying. In the last year, though we never dated, we've become closer than I've been with almost anyone. She's shown me how amazing it is to have someone who knows how to make everything okay. She's shown me how utterly awesome it is to have someone to hold, someone you genuinely ache to be near. Wow, am I ever sappy?

That's going to be the biggest challenge, not being able to be near her. (A three hour drive seems longer than ever.) I swear, she keeps me sane. I don't want to see someone else take her place, ever. She's coming with me when I move on the 20th, though.

Another challenge will be living with my roommates. I haven't met them yet or even spoken to them online. I'm mildly terrified that they'll be homophobic or something. I'm conditioned that way. I've been raised so far with a mother who says that gays and lesbians shouldn't be allowed to be teachers or to be around people of the same sex. I'm afraid I'll have a likeminded roommate, afraid that she'll be afraid that I'll be into her or something.

I guess I never really experienced the awkwardness with the opposite sex that most of my peers went through, and now that I'm out I'm getting it like 10-fold in my head with people I might potentially encounter in college. What can I say? I'm a small town girl. Moving into a diverse place with different types of people (and even some people like me!) is slightly insane.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You'll be fine if you truly want to be. Sadness is only a state of being and, rather than an actual being, can unexist when it's not necessary.
Even if things turn out poorly like having a terrible roommate, they'll eventually accept you for who you are if they're any kind of intellectual human. Hey, even if they hate your guts I can guarantee that they'll miss you when you move out at least (bad thing to say maybe).

However, colleges being the places of mental gain that they are, you'll be more likely to find a good friend than a terrible nemesis.